CONAN the BARBARIAN (2011) fog's review & trailer
August 25th 2011 16:13
PHWOARRR!! BIG SWORD MATEY!!!
“I live. I love. I slay…I am content.” Conan.
I wish this film had the brevity of that utterance...
You either loved or loathed it; the cult film that brought Arnold Schwarzenegger to the silver screen is back! A new cast and a rewrite make this version of the cultish Conan stand alone, and so it does in many ways...
Starring Jason Momoa (Stargate Atlantis) as Conan, Leo Howard as the young Conan, Rachel Nichols as Tamara and a whole bagful of other Barbarians I have not heard of.
Director Marcus Nispel (Friday the 13th 2009 remake) has sunk his directorial bleeding claws into this much loved campy and violent action/adventure film.
gate crashers with swords
Although it deviates from the original, (not that I would remember) this story contains all the key elements; gore, bloodied dismemberment, torture, brutish misogyny, (the audience laughed at Conan’s chauvinism), a nasty magical sorceress, darkly humorous moments and a fulfilled quest of vengeance...fulfilled eventually...
The first quarter of the film looked slightly promising, as we are introduced to Conan’s family and his birth, mid battle, when his father fights off a few and then helps his wife give birth, by cutting her open with his dagger. Thus a caesarean child is born, and mother dies.
birth in the Barbarian world
We then are treated to a pastiche of scenes as the young Conan develops his skills, culminating in him earning his right to challenge for his own sword, after he single handedly slaughters a half dozen odd looking savages, odd because they had Mohawks, nearly bare chests in the snow and a blood curdling call that sounded much more like a Star Wars monster, than a human war cry.
But then, it started to fall off the cliff; as protracted mindless fight scene after fight scene wearied one through predictability and lack of purpose, the scant amount of wit had evaporated and moments of gore encrusted ghastly humour became few and far between.
Conan kid learns play Barbarian style
The writers and director decided that the film should mainly be about the battles and not the characters and the camera framing for much of the action sequences was too close in, causing the imagery to blur slightly and without mid/long shot perspectives, one became lost in the melee, the result being detachment from the drama unfolding, and the realisation your bum is going numb.
Nispel has directed some shockingly bad remakes and this is another one. Problem is, his past sins made millions and, no doubt, this brainless, monotonous, bash and slash fest will do the same.
Fans of mindless fighting/gore and gratuitously demeaning female nudity will be entertained; the rest of humanity may well wish Hollywood sinks into the sea.
This witch makes her daddy proud...
We live in an era where computer and console games have caused a paradigm shift in the entertainment world; the demographics dictate more action and less character development, more close in shots simulating first person shooter games and who cares about illogical plot progression, just keep the action going...
I know I am sounding like an old fuddy-duddy, but, I prefer a film that causes me to have some emotional investment in the protagonists and antagonists, a film that is logically sound and suspends disbelief, an artful artifice that shocks, surprises and makes one ponder more about the human condition, if only momentarily, or in retrospect. This film did make me think after credit roll, that I wished I had stayed at home.
<[LINK="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xis2pg_conan-trailer-2_shortfilms"]Really Long Link[/LINK] target="_blank">Conan: Trailer 2 by DailymotionTr ailers
This is not to suggest that I do not love slash and bash, ribald humour too, but surely, can’t we have it all? Can’t we have a spectacular adventure that involves us from the beginning, with a rich textured story and well crafted characters, is that really too much to ask? Or am I just a dinosaur, who grew up loving the Golden Years of Hollywood?
Back to the monstrosity at hand; the set designs and costumes inextricably traverse eras, continents and cultures, there is even a nod to Star Wars, in the evil witch bitch’s hairdo/head wear.
pillars for pillocks of society
Seeing large, broken stubs of Corinthian columns sticking out of the earth, in a dense forest of huge old growth trees, without any other rubble of a building, or how there could be one in the first place, added to my disbelief.
This was set decoration at its most laughable. The rest of the designs, both interior and exterior, were equally risible for their concocted mishmash of styles and cultural references.
Conan's pal got too few lines and action
The ending of the film was one annoyingly drawn out inane fight, which kept recurring once it had logically concluded that I wanted to throw something at the screen.
Written by Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer and Sean Hood. These three should hang their heads in shame.
the claws are out literally
Both Director of Photography Thomas Kloss and Editor by Ken Blackwell A.C.E.did a professional job.
Production Designer Chris August and Costume Designer Wendy Partridge, get a brain transplant!! It wasn't all bad, the look was interesting, but ultimately they took liberties with history.
Conan playing with his sword again...
This film, at the end of the day, is far too long and its content is just dumb, plain and simple.
RATING: MA15 (Strong bloody violence, nudity and sex scene)
AUSTRALIA WIDE RELEASE 18th AUGUST 2011-08-17
| 19 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
Mountain Fog
