HYBRID 3D: fog's review with trailer
September 6th 2011 08:11
naughty bad squiddy car attacks office
Think “Cars That Ate Paris”, minus the originality and wit, think “20,000 Leagues Under The Sea” minus the 20,000 leagues and wonderful effects, and “KIT” minus the talking car; then reduce everything down to a low brow, simpleton, moronic storyline, replete with wooden acting, dumb direction, poor man’s CGI and, there you have it, HYBRID 3D.
In equal measure, I was disappointed, and relieved, that I did not see the 3D version, actually, I expect no one did, as this D Grade attempt at a creature horror sci-fi flick would have gone from can to DVD store shelf in one easy slide, in fact, it says something of the powers of promotion by the distributors that Hybrid got to the DVD stage at all.
Hide and seek...but it is translucent!
The plot; some octopussy/squiddy thang invades Earth...well...we do not know this but, suffice to say, it isn’t a normal octopus or squid. Like actual squids, it changes colour, but, it also shape shifts into complex shapes such as motor vehicles.
By changing into cars, this squiddy thingy can travel about incognito, while it attracts people to enter it, with an open door and a key in the ignition, whereupon the door slams shut and it devours the occupant. It can change into any type of car, including a gorgeous Ferrari, which two unsuspecting young dudes decide to take for a thrill ride, after finding it in a back alley, only they get taken for another type of ride, by the upholstery...
Mind you, one has little compassion for these two, as they must be the dumbest most unobservant people on Earth, for, after just walking past a black ordinary non-descript sedan, then hearing a noise, turn around and voila! A bright red Ferrari is there in place of the black sedan....one dude says to the other that they must have been too absorbed in their conversation to have noticed it...umm...yeah right!
So, squiddy car snacks out on these idiots, then heads off into traffic.
Suddenly, ‘squiddy car’ gets smacked into at a busy intersection, putting it on its roof; enter the police who check to see if the occupants are alright, “No one could have survived that” says one cop....err...yes they could, it wasn’t crushed flat, they had plenty of head space, and besides, if “no one could survive that” then where did the driver go? The cops don't seem to wonder about that...
Squiddy car cops a side hit
Squiddy car, now a wreck, gets taken to a big multi story secure 24 hour mechanic’s garage which fixes cop cars among others, and lays in wait, while it transforms into a new version of itself.
The garage workers, checking on what is left to be worked on, eventually discover the squiddy car, yet no one seems amazed that the car had been completely fixed and resprayed in a matter of hours, nor do they enquire of each other who achieved this mechanical miracle...really...!!!
Mechanics with no idea
Then, squiddy the car decides it is time to feed, so workers start to disappear, eventually someone asks the whereabouts of the missing workers...
Once they are all convinced Squiddy car is the culprit, they plan to outsmart it...a big mistake. One scene that sticks in my
Girls on bikes, should have cast Pamela Anderson
Some want to leave, the boss wants to capture it and sell the story to magazines, and he has hidden the key to open the outside roller door so they can escape. But they are a mechanic shop...they have oxy-acetelene torches and cutting tools....but no one seems to remember that fact.
Even when they decide to build the huge steel impaling trap, no one thinks, oh gee, let's cut our way out of this hell hole and escape...
Will I tell you the rest of this woeful tale?
NO!
You must watch it for yourself, as I do not want to be the only person on Earth to be robbed of 94 minutes of my life.
Directed by Eric Valette (The Prey, State Affairs), starring Shannon Beckner as Tilda, Oded Fehr as Ray, (Resident Evil: Extinction, The Mummy Returns) and Ryan Kennedy as bobby (The Bend, Hellcats TV series).
This film is so sub-standard, on every level, it wallows in moronic mediocrity, but not enough to become something funny and a future cult hit; for it is just awful.
Only for fans of horror and creature sci-fi films that are neither scary nor spectacular, who also like awful direction, moronic scripts, terrible acting and crap CGI.
For those studying film production, watch this travesty as an example of what not to do!
AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE OR RENTAL ON DVD AND BLU RAY FROM AUGUST 26th 2011
Image Permissions and Credits:
All images copyright presumed that of Production Company and/or Distributor and Publisher, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Images used here for product identification for critical review purposes only, low res. Copies, not meant fore redistribution.
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Mountain Fog
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Hahahahahahaha, have no fear I have seen it and am doing a giveaway for it on DVD this week
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
that should be a crime against cinema, giving this thing away...and you may get it sent back!
cheers
fog